Day 41 – Everything is Going Wrong, I Feel Like Crying!

I recently experienced some complications getting to and comming back from Spain. Travelling in the past has always been very smooth for me. I do my research before hand, make sure I know where I am going, which connections to take etc..
But this year, boy o boy! Did shit go wrong.

The 22th of July I travelled towards Spain. During the 5-6 hour trip from Paris to Figueres, a message sounded through the speakers, in Spanish and French (languages I do not speak). I vaguely understood something about switching at Perpignan, because we couldn’t go further with the train. I went up to some of the personnel and asked what was going on. They said we had to get off at Perpignan, and take a bus there, which they would arrange for us. I texted my brother to let him know I’ll be later, because he was supposed to pick me up at the train station.

A while later, another message came through the speakers. I didn’t understand it so I asked the people next to me, which were an American woman and her daughter doing a world trip. It appeared the mother understood and spoke some French and Spanish. While she was explaining how we now had to get onto another train, some other American and Australian people gathered near us to listen what they had to do.

So basically, I followed those people around, because we ended up having to take 3 different local trains. All directed in French or Spanish. At the same time my brother texted me that we were probably having to switch because of the Spanish wildfires, others mentioned the same thing. And soon enough, we were stuck in an abandoned train station and town… We had to wait for the “ok” to go on with the train. We waited and waited and I got increasingly stressed. My brother was texting me how all the roads were blocked, and also before that , during a switch of trains called me yelling: make sure you get here, I can’t get through with my car… I told the Americans around me what he was saying, also to update them about the situation, and the woman and girl offered me to stay with them at their hotel. Also the other Americans (which were high school students on a trip) said I could come with them to Barcelona if Figueres would be closed due to the wildfires. When we looked out of our train, through the glasses of the station, we saw the fire. People were starting to make jokes about how it looks as if we are part of a disaster movie.

My mom and dad started to call me, worried. While I was calling, the train suddenly made this loud noise. It startled me, but it was just to get everyone back into the train because we got the “ok” to move on. My dad also called my brother to be careful, because people got closed in in a car during the fire and died.

Anyway, as we got the “ok” signal, everyone on the train started to clap and I closed my ears because it was like my eardrum was going to explode

I was worried about what I would have to do: will my brother make it? Will I have to go with the people to the hotel? What if he can’t get to me tomorrow either? We finally arrived at the station in Figueres and headed towards the taxi’s. We couldn’t find one, and the American lady called “Pam” called her hotel to come and pick us up. But no one came, and she thought they didn’t understand her. In the meanwhile, my brother already texted me he was coming, and the traffic was gone. I told him I was at another station, because they dropped us at Figueres Adif instead of Figueres Vilafant. He said he thought he knew where it was, and suddenly within 2 minutes he was there. I was very relieved. We also gave the American people a ride to their hotel. I am sure they were relieved as well.

So my tips are:

-stay as calm as possible, don’t let doom thoughts overshadow your mind. Keep it practical and do what you can. If stress increases, slowly take deep breaths in and out. -if you don’t speak the language, or are unsure about what to do, ask those around you or the personnel. Follow people who know what to do, go with those who also are going to your destination so that you do not end up alone and confused. -Make sure you have a fully recharged cellphone. I recommend a simple old fashion cellphone with long battery life. I have the Samsung e1120 , battery can last up to 10 days. Take your recharger with you, and note the most important numbers on a paper. You never know if something happens and you can’t use your phone. -Take cash with you (for emergencies such as having to take a cab)

The journey back

I thought the worst was over, and that from now one things would go smooth. Guess again… We departed more than an hour before I had to get on my train back home. But the station I had to go to was not on the GPS! We couldn’t find it. My brother started to drive and drive, and it was already 10 AM (I had to get the train at 10:20). Again I started to get really stressed. What if I had to travel back in the back of my brothers car. I was sitting on top of all his camping gear which is highly uncomfortable, especially considering the fact he had to drive 17 hours to get back home… Suddenly we saw taxi’s. I jumped out, asked them if they could bring me to the station in time, they said yes and there I went again. In the taxi I started to wonder if I got the right bag with me, my one bag is similar to my laptop bag, but it includes my money, cellphone, tickets etc… Thankfully I had the right bag with me. I got there in time, almost wanting to kiss the floor taxi was really expensive! For 8 minutes drive it was 16 euro.

Then… after 5-6 hours on the train I arrive in Paris Gare De Lyon, where I had to take the subway to go to Gare du Nord. No problem! I thought. I done it before + I had my whole route written out on a paper with all connections. I walked into the station, went to the lined RER D (green). And suddenly noticed there was no traffic on that line… I was like: not again! Jezus Christ. Everything had changed and there was some strange French signaling about it. I walked back up. Started to ask random people. One Indian looking guy who told me to go to the tracks I just came from… Then some really dark skinned family who only spoke French, said something about taking the metro there and then changing line. But when I looked at the metro time, it would only arrive at the time I would already have to be in my next train. I decided to go to the information desk. It was closed. GOD DAMNIT. I wanted to take a taxi, but then I thought about traffic in Paris… I only had 30 minutes left (since yes, my train also was 10 minutes late…). I started to look at the exit, and there were exit signs at every freaking side. Suddenly I saw another information desk, woohoo. I jumped through the gates and asked the man how I could get to Paris Gare du Nord. Suddenly the man got a seizure. Lol no, just kidding, that would be too insane . He told me to take the lined 14 to Chatellet les Halles, and then get out and take the line 4 to Gare Du Nord. I hoped my metro ticket was still valid, which it was, and did as he said, asking some people if I was on the right metro, just to be sure… And I was. Thankfully the metro goes super speed, and I was at my train in time.

This was  the first time in my entire life that literally everything went wrong… My journey onwards and my journey back home. It was an experience that showed me that you must always be prepared when you undertake long travels, make sure you have plenty of time between connections, and that I can get easily stressed sometimes. Although I kept calm, because what else can you do. If you start to panic it won’t get you anywhere.

When i was waiting in the trainstation, the abandoned one, for our train to get the “ok” signal to go on, I felt like bursting into tears because of the stress inside me. But I didn’t let it out. I thought it would make things worse and people around me would see it. I was thinking to myself: why? Why cry , it is not necessary.So I could hold back my tears. I felt like crying because of the uncertain situation, and being so far from home, from the people I know well, stuck in the middle of a freaking abandonned town and train station… I saw people around me were all with a group or at least two. I started to regret ever going to spain in the first place and thought: I wish I had just stayed home.
And when my brother called me, it also sounded as if it was my fault, while I was struggling to find out what exactly I had to do and where to go.
Also in the metro station, I got kind of sad within me from the stress, wondering wtf I could do.

It did all work out, but this is what I was actually experiencing within myself: a lot of stress and sadness.
My self forgiveness as follows, will not be only about my personal experience, but I will expand it to other reactions in situations of panic.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my tears because I am afraid to cry before other people
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my tears because I think I dont need to cry and that it is nto necessary, while it was a release signal from my body dealing with the stress hormones I had generated
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start to panic and loose track of my own self direction as in how to deal with the situation in the best way
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not require to follow doom thoughts, and can direct myself to do what is best in that specific situation
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep thinking about how fucked up the situation is, causing myself more stress
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic and within that panic “loose” myself and do things that are not best for myself, nor for all, where I may even compromise another human being because of my panic mode
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the worst case scenario, and by doijng that, making myself feel worried and stressed even more
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to ask people for help
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my own safety by allowing my fear to speak to people control me and prevent me from getting the right information, or having others to follow who  know the way

When and as an unusual situation comes up, such as having difficulties during travelling, I breath through it and simply do what I can to continue my journey or deal with the situation as best as possible. When I notice stress, I breath it out, I stop doom thoughts and if I feel like crying to release it, I do not hold it back because of fear  of others.

 

Day 40 – I BELIEVE!!!

I started to investigate religion when I was about 15 years old, fater some man on a bike handed me a “He is comming” pamflet about Jezus and the end of days, when I was speaking to my friend about some paranormal experiences I had. I saw it as some kind of sign, something special.
So, I started to investigate christianity, and started to believe in “God”. I always kept an individual approach to it all, because whenever I read the bible, it pissed me off. I couldn’t understand how God could be so cruel and so stupid. Especially the old testament… my god. So I told people: “I know who God is, in my heart”. Like I just knew it.
Later on I called God a force, and later I diverted to gnosticism, budhism etc…

Ive made a very long story short, that’s for sure. But one thing, behind all my religious believes was: my own desires. It was what I desired to be true, it was something I wanted, and that is why I believed in it. Ofcourse I didn’t have proof, ofcourse I didnt have special knowledge about who or what God is.  I completely followed my emotions and my desires. It gave me comfort to think about a God who is there for me, who is looking after me. Although many times it led me to frustration because I saw so much unjust things in this world, and my own life, that I only saw Gods support… in my head. It wasn’t real, I made it up, to comfort myself. Just because I wanted it to be true so badly. But in that I was fooling myself, and others who I was telling who God was, and that they “will see” when they are dead. As if I knew it… I didn’t. Yet I believed I did, and believing can be a pretty delusional hobby.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a God and spread this believe to others, as if it is a truth – but in fact I was lying, to myself and others, and only saying those things because I desired it to be true

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions controle me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my desires controle me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote believing in something that isn’t here, and only can exist in imagination – placing trust in something that is unseen, and imagined, or believed in and not realizing the patterns behind my desire to do so. That I was in fact looking for comfort, support, and was living in fear and mental pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my desires unto an imaginary God, instead of directing myself to bring an end to the unjustice and abuse I see within this world, for which we require no god to fix it. All we require is our will to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept something as the truth, because of a feeling I have within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept something as the truth, because I desire it to be the truth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept something as the truth, because it has been taught to me to be the truth, and therefor I have gotten emotionally attached to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe because I feel bad about life and want an escape, to feel better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that trust has to be found within and as myself, and that when I place trust on a believe in my mind, I am in fact training myself to trust in lies, in hidden things, in imagination

I commit myself to stop following believes simply because I desire things to be like that, to be how I imagine it to be or desire it to be. Believes create a world divided, and will differ from person to person, culture to culture, time to time etc…. and therefor we must all look at this point for ourselves, in self-honesty, and realize what is needed to bring this world togethe rand create heaven on earth, without waiting for some kind of god to fix it all or take you away.

 

Day 39 – It Matters What I Am Not What I Do !

A man’s goodness is truly measured by what he is, not what he does.- Deepak Chopra

How exactly can we disconnect what we do from what we are/who we are?  We can’t. What we do/say/think is in fact who we are. Everything combined makes us who we are. “Goodness” cannot solely be measures by “what one is”. Goodness means that you do what is good, which means to do what is good for the common good. Is living in ignorance, doing nothing to change this abusive world system “goodness”? Is making excuses for the way things are, for children starving, child soldiers, sweatshop workers… goodness? Is allowing a system that exploits so many for profit, where psychopaths are on top of corporations and banking, goodness? Maybe I am missing the context or something.

If we see a person or an animal struggling on the street, and we think about that we are good people, helpful people, caring people… yet we refuse to give a helping help due to fear for example… then in fact that is not goodness. We may see ourselves as caring and helping, but our actions are the opposite. So what we DO is in fact very crucial. Because we can think highly of ourselves, and it can be a total illusion.

It can also be extremely deceptive. For example when someone claims to be a loving person, because he/she takes care of his/her family and friends. But actually is not truly loving, since he/she ignores those suffering in the world, not close to them. So that person is actually selfish. Why? Because he only cares about the ones HE feels strongly about, who are close to HIM. And that way we have this bright picture of ourselves, not actually seeing the behavior that we are portraying, and why we are in fact doing it.

Maybe Deepak Chopra didn’t think this quote through, and just said it in the moment because it had a nice ring to it. But the problem is that it can be made into yet another excuse for his readers and others to not do anything about the state of our world system. It is easy for us, because most of us reading this prosper from it. We don’t even see our own enslavement anymore, let alone the ones (majority) who suffer because of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I do doesn’t matter, because it makes me feel better about the fact that I am not doing something worthwile, or doing something that I know is not good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believes and say that what I do doesn’t matter, because then I can feel better about not stepping up, remaining on the background, living my own life of self intrest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses for my own limitations, my fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to no realize that what I am is defined partly by what I do. What I do shows who I am, wether I like this or not

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I do in fact tells more about me then what I think I am inside my mind. Because when what I think about myself does not correspond with my actions, it is an illusiion, a fantasy I am keeping up about myself which I desire to be , and believe to be, to feel better. But in fact it is all self delusion and not reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have the power to change my actions, to actually do things differently, to forgive myself and change who I have become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a spiritual master, talk people into believing that what they do does not matter, not realizing the impact I am having with saying such as these, in a world that is full of abuse, DELIBERATE abuse, and needs dire actions and DOING to undo what we have done, and to set things right/ That we require people to stand up, to DO things, and show that we actually care, for real, and not just within our minds.

I commit myself to expose the abuse that we allow within this system, by this sytem, which we are all part of. And that this abuse (starvation, poverty, exploitation, animal abuse, war etc…) is in fact our creation and can be made undon.

When and as I notice the desire come up within me to sit back in self defeat, or feel not good or strong enough to change anything, I stop and breath and realize that I do not have to follow these thoughts or emotions. I can direct myself and I can stand for a change, and actually DO things

 

Day 38 – I Eat Junk That Destroys My Body Because It Tastes Good

Researchers at the University of Ghent in Belgium have found out that the people in Flanders are sick of healthy eating. We pay much less attention to our food than we did 10 years ago.

One of the reasons? People are sick of commercial messages and campaigns. Yoghurt that gives you radiant skin, drinks with antioxidants … The government as well launches one campaign after the other to make the population eat healthily. People are sick of it. We are so over satiated that we dont care anymore what is good or bad. The new motto is: “fuck it, I’ll just eat what I like”.

Hendrik Cammu, professor, gynecologist and author of “Een leven lang gezond”, states that the health commercials and slogans are not effective. For example: it has no effect to say “stop smoking, its bad for you”. What IS effective is making smoking more expensive and forbid it at work or in bars. And the same thing goes for food. ‘You have to make people eat more healthy, without them knowing it’, he states. There should be rules given to the food industry that will make people eat more healthy: Smaller portions, less trans fats etc… without putting those claims on the wrappings.

What does this article teach us?

How we often depend on rules to put us in the right direction. How we are often so irresponsible that we can’t make the decisions that are best for us and others. That we allow ourselves to be controlled by commercials and others. Because whether they spam us with such messages or not, it shouldn’t affect what we eat and our attitude towards food. We can simply see what is good for our bodies and that of others. But now, we get sick of commercial messages and what do we do? We go and eat food that is actually damaging to our bodies? What kind of sense does that make.

Unhealthy eating is not only something that affects yourself. You first of all require an industry that provides this crap food and sells it to people. Second, a lot of people develop illness after a while, because of the consumption of products not good for the human body. Third, it increases your chance of death which affects those close to you, as well as raising the health care systems bill.

So it is not just “your problem”, it is the communities problem. You are allowing your mind, to have control over your body, instead of you controlling your intake and choosing what is best for yourself and the whole. We are raising the cost for everyone.

A first step

This can indeed be to change the rules, to change the system, and to make sure no one can choose to abuse themselves and the common good. The food industry is about profit, obviously, that’s how it goes in a profit industry. So you see, it will never do what is actually best for all, but what is best for profit. Look at the isles in the supermarkets, the tons of junk you see in their. How many different kinds of candy and chips do we really need? How many types of fastfood meals full of preservatives do we require?

Sure ,it keeps people at work (and what a fun job it is), but that is only because we accept our system to work like this. As if this is the best we can do… give me a break. Yes, it is best for a minority, and they will convince you to think it is best for you as well.

But being able to indulge, and entertain yourself while actually the majority of the world population struggles, is not what is best. And often we feel that something is wrong ourselves. We feel that there is more to life than what we have created it to be. And indeed there is. And to make it real, we will have to change the current system, into one that will actually benefit us all and give us a much better life than the current.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  eat and buy things that are harmful for my human body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my taste over what is best for my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat things knowing that it causes distress to my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put strain on the health care system by deliberatly eating unhealthy food that makes me sick, whereby I also compromise the common good, and thus have an  impact on all people living in the system, paying taxes etc…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a bad example to my children, consuming unhealthy damaging food infront of them, or even giving it to them as if it is no big deal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to my childrens tantrums, because I have made them used to candy and unhealthy food, and when I take it away they start to scream and be angry, where I give in and give it to them even though it is harming them and may damage them on the long run

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to commercials slogans, because they either make me buy a certain type of food, or make me do the opposit: resisting it and rejecting it – in this I loose my own self direction and common sense to do what is best for myself and the common good, regardless what those commercials or messages say, regardless of how many times they are repeated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system where some people have to eat harmful food for their human bodies because they are not rich enough, or not in a position in the system to buy better food, enough nourishing food etc…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to why it is “not a big deal”, without even investigating my claim, without even looking at the consequences of this worldwide and for all, not just for myself – simply because of my desires, where I dont want it to be a big deal because it makes me feel better

I commit myself to eat what is good for my human body. When I notice something is causing bad reactions, or is scientifically proven to damage, I stop, let go of the desire and direct myself.

When and as I notice resistance comming up watching commercial adds or slogans about healthy food, I do not allow myself to follow this emotion. I breath through it and I direct myself. I wont allow myself to go into either one of the polarities of either doing as said, or not doing it, I simply look at what I can do best for myself.

When and as I ntoice my children throwing tantrums for unhealthy damaging food, I stop and breath and do not allow myself to follow my emotions or give in to them. I explain to them about the food, what it does, and I reprogram the behavior I taught them. That does not mean ban everything, but it means that they will not be a slave to it, and that they wont over indulge or consume it to the point that it causes harm to them. Like a piece of chocolat, does not harm them. If it does, ofcourse I shouldn’t allow it.

I commit myself to stop this system of profit where habbits that are damaging are promoted merely for the sake of profit – and I stand for a system that actually places the common good before everything else.

 

Day 37 – I Feel Better When Britney is Fat

Yesterday on twitter she wrote:

‘Getting ready for some pool time! Having a blast xxoo.’

I’m sure that this pic was not just posted to show “she is ready for the pool time”. Anyway, she does not require to prove herself. What does “havind it” even mean? Looking hot according to others? Fitting into the stereotypical beauty ideal”? Is having “it” a good thing? If so, why would it make a person better than someone who doesn’t have “it”. It doesn’t! It is us that put the judgements on ourselves and each other. Where apparantly, you can feel good if you have it, and not if you don’t have it.

Not so long ago, Britney suffered from some breakdowns. Shaving her head, having a stand-off with the police, drug use…

Here she is tearing up over the topic of the paparazzi not leaving her alone:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/159332/britney_spears_breakdown/

She was constantly on the watch, like any celebrity. But paparazzi are not to blame, we all are. If there would be no profit in being a paparazzi, no one would do it. It are the people who put their money in the gossip, putting so much importance in the life of an entertainer. It is actually quite sad what we create, a monster. Basically, these people are stalked 24/07. I can’t imagine how I would feel when dudes with camera’s would lurk in front of my house and follow me around wherever I go. So no surprise some of them at times lose their temper.

It is up to all of us to realize that this is in fact abuse. The stars, the paparazzi, the people… all are responsible. And each of us have to start with taking responsibility for our own behavior.

The celebrities are simply people, don’t look at them to compare yourself, don’t use others as a measure of your own worth, or how thin you should be or which clothing you should wear or other of that shit. (check out this post about idols and superfans ) Don’t go for a job where you have to stalk people all the time… Don’t make yourself into a God and love being worshipped.

Do unto another what you would want done unto you. It is time to bring ourselves back to Earth, which means ALL of us, including celebrities which are ordinary people like anyone else. No need to worship them, praise them higher than for example the plumber who fixes your toilet so your house doesn’t flood with shit.

So many people who bring value to our society, yet we often do not regard their effort. As I mentioned: the plumber, those fixing our roads, garbage collectors, water maintenance, construction workers, farmers etc…

For this to end, the whole paparazzi thing, we require a total re-direction of our economic system. Currently, its demand = supply, which is not best for all. Profit is often made from abuse, and justified because of the mere fact that it makes profit. Psychopaths and narcisist are rewarded for their disfunctional personality, and often can raise up to the top of business. They present an image of success, as being “on top”, as being “the man”, and take advantage of those who follow them or those who work for them. All they care about is their own success and ego.

In a world of equality, we wouldn’t require to stalk people for money, we wouldn’t use others to compare ourselves and judge ourselves as better or worse, we wouldn’t use others as objects, we wouldn’t do unto others what we wouldn’t want to be done unto ourselves, we wouldn’t create profit on the back of abuse, we wouldn’t have jobs where you require to abuse another in order to survive, we wouldn’t require to create endless useless jobs that exploit resources and are the only way for people to survive …

Join us to work on the solution. And leave Britney alone!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge celebrities on their appearance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge celebrities because I see it as justified because they are celebrities
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that celebrities are meant to be judged and gossiped about
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for who I am and what I say and do, where I will do things just because “everyone else is doing it”, or because it is “normal” or a cultural or societal standard
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly follow society / the group / culture, without using my own reason and common sense to see if a situation/behavior is best for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use celebrities to compare myself to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better about myself when celebrities fail/are fat/turn up ugly/have flaws etc…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad aout myself when I see celebrities succesfully losing weight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire another to be “less” in order for me to feel better
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire another to fail
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire another to be less than who they could be, to desire them to fail or be “imperfect”, where I contribute to a world of flaws and failure just so some could feel better, placing self intrest above the common good
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself when I see celebrity pictures who have “perfect” skin/ass/body/hair etc…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical body in comparison to that of others such as celebrities
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think my human body is not perfect
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what the media presents is “perfection”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think my skin is not perfect because it has blemishes and pores
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that you can have skin without pores
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy gossip magazines
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy gossip magazines and in that way supporting the paparazzi and abuse in this world, lpacing y self intrest and emotions above the common good, not realizing how it is in fact also damaging and abusive towards myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put celebrities on a platform above me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe celbrities are better than me or other persons

I commit myself to stop buying gossip magazines, it is not constructive and I refuse to participate in such an industry
I commit myself to stop comparing myself to celebrities or placing them as “more” than me or another.

When and as I notice judgements towards my own physical body in comparison to that of celebrities, I stop and breath and accept my human body the way it is.I let go of the judgements.

 

Day 36 – Porn

”

A boy of 12 who raped a nine-year-old girl after watching hard-core pornography online was spared jail yesterday as his lawyer warned of a generation of children growing up with a ‘skewed view’ on sex.

The schoolboy, who is now 14, told police he had raped the little girl because he wanted to ‘feel grown up’ after watching porn online.

In a disturbing case that has raised fresh concerns about the sexualisation of children, the teenager had unrestricted access to the web and was able to freely look at sexually explicit material.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2152733/Schoolboy-12-raped-girl-watching-hardcore-internet-porn.html#ixzz1zOBd5Ycy“

Self forgiveness for those addicted to porn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where children are shown images which are abusive / promote self-judgement or judgement of others / create desires into them / manipulate them and program them to be consumers. Where we do not take responsibility for what we create, and the impact we have on the children who are our future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my sexual fantasies and desires above the common good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be a slave of my sexual desires

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to watch violent porn in order to get aroused

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get aroused by violent porn, instead of standing up, and direct myself to not allow any abusive inside of me, and deciding that NO, I will not watch it. Being the strenght, and standing up for what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to not realize that I am able to say no, and to NOT do something that I desire but which is abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base reality on what I desire in my mind, reflecting this even on my family and on my wife. Wanting her to be as the girls I see in the movies. Not valuing her as a human being, but seeing her as an object of lust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave of my programmed desires

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to place my self intrest above the common good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where children can have access to explicit porn material, which will shape their mind and influence them in negative ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to not be a good example for the children of this world, not realizing how children copy what they see

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the opportunity to let go of my porn addiction, and to see this through even when it takes effort and time to stop the addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where profit is made from sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend money on the porn industry which is tremendously abusive, not only towards the children, but also many woman involved who are often forced.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed where explicit sexual material is produced and bought by consumers, in order to sell and to make profit, where people are stimulated to get aroused by such material and desire it more and more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system of demand and supply to be in control, when it is a system that is abusive, and does not do what is best for the common good at all, because the people who demand do not stand for what is best for all, neither do the producers. Therefor we must first stand as responsible beings in this world, because else we will continue to do things which are not good for ourselves nor for others.

I commit myself to stand for a world that is best for all, to our best ability.
When and as I notice the urge to watch porn come up, I stop and breath and realize I do not need it. I am my own self-direction. I let the thoughts go and do not follow them.

I commit myself to not support the porn industry in this world, because it is highly abusive.