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Day 40 – I BELIEVE!!!

21 Jul
Day 40 – I BELIEVE!!!

I started to investigate religion when I was about 15 years old, fater some man on a bike handed me a “He is comming” pamflet about Jezus and the end of days, when I was speaking to my friend about some paranormal experiences I had. I saw it as some kind of sign, something special.
So, I started to investigate christianity, and started to believe in “God”. I always kept an individual approach to it all, because whenever I read the bible, it pissed me off. I couldn’t understand how God could be so cruel and so stupid. Especially the old testament… my god. So I told people: “I know who God is, in my heart”. Like I just knew it.
Later on I called God a force, and later I diverted to gnosticism, budhism etc…

Ive made a very long story short, that’s for sure. But one thing, behind all my religious believes was: my own desires. It was what I desired to be true, it was something I wanted, and that is why I believed in it. Ofcourse I didn’t have proof, ofcourse I didnt have special knowledge about who or what God is.  I completely followed my emotions and my desires. It gave me comfort to think about a God who is there for me, who is looking after me. Although many times it led me to frustration because I saw so much unjust things in this world, and my own life, that I only saw Gods support… in my head. It wasn’t real, I made it up, to comfort myself. Just because I wanted it to be true so badly. But in that I was fooling myself, and others who I was telling who God was, and that they “will see” when they are dead. As if I knew it… :/ I didn’t. Yet I believed I did, and believing can be a pretty delusional hobby.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a God and spread this believe to others, as if it is a truth – but in fact I was lying, to myself and others, and only saying those things because I desired it to be true

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions controle me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my desires controle me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote believing in something that isn’t here, and only can exist in imagination – placing trust in something that is unseen, and imagined, or believed in and not realizing the patterns behind my desire to do so. That I was in fact looking for comfort, support, and was living in fear and mental pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my desires unto an imaginary God, instead of directing myself to bring an end to the unjustice and abuse I see within this world, for which we require no god to fix it. All we require is our will to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept something as the truth, because of a feeling I have within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept something as the truth, because I desire it to be the truth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept something as the truth, because it has been taught to me to be the truth, and therefor I have gotten emotionally attached to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe because I feel bad about life and want an escape, to feel better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that trust has to be found within and as myself, and that when I place trust on a believe in my mind, I am in fact training myself to trust in lies, in hidden things, in imagination

I commit myself to stop following believes simply because I desire things to be like that, to be how I imagine it to be or desire it to be. Believes create a world divided, and will differ from person to person, culture to culture, time to time etc…. and therefor we must all look at this point for ourselves, in self-honesty, and realize what is needed to bring this world togethe rand create heaven on earth, without waiting for some kind of god to fix it all or take you away.

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Posted by on July 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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