Day 22 – I want to Prove Myself to You

As a child, I often had the experience of feeling overwhelmd when someone didn’t believe me, or thought something about me that wasn’t true. And it made me upset and I wanted to prove to that person that i was different, or that I didn’t do it. I sometimes got really sad and frustrated because of it. Some sort of helpless feeling because there was nothing I could do to convince that other person. What would have been the cure? Let it go. Realize that you can only sometimes explain something to another, but when they do not want to hear, you can’t make them, even when you want to. So best to not react and put yourself into stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove myself to another person and get upset when he/she does not hear what I say and keeps being stuck in the same judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get emotional / sad / frustrated when someone accuses me of something I didn’t do, or am, and that I have no way of showing them the opposit because they already made up their mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the emotions overwhelme me, without directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not having realized that I do not need to follow my emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to convince another and base my self-experience on what the opinion of that other is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value anothers judgement about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that that person who judges me wrong may infect others who will believe the lies he/she spreads about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire everyone to like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being disliked

Sometimes another persons opinion or judgment about you, can be directly related to your quality of life. For example when you have an abusive parent who uses his/her child as an outlet of his/her anger. The child is often helpless and in a pretty fucked up situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assert my anger on my child
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my child for things he/she didn’t do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my child because of the emotions I feel within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my child because I am angry and need to vent it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the anger inside me control me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my anger, and assert it onto another living being, a child even, that is dependant on me, not realizing how I am fucking up the childs life through my own ignorance and abuse

When and as I notice myself reacting to someone who does not believe me, I stop and breath and realize that all I can do in the situation is direct myself and stop the emotions within me

When and as I notice myself getting angry, I stop and breath and let do not in any way assert this onto another living being. I look at where the anger comes from and take responsibility to stop it

When and as I notice myself getting frustrated or sad when someone accuses me falsfly, I stop and breath. I explain the situation as best as I can, but when the other does not want to hear, I let it go and make sure that I do not base my emotions on the opinion of this other person. I stop desiring to convince them and direct myself.