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Day 35 – Bullying and Being Bullied

30 Jun
Day 35 – Bullying and Being Bullied

A video of a girl being bullied at a bus stop is going around the web in Belgium. People are speaking out in absolute disgust of what the bullies did. Kayleigh is the 13 year old girl that got bullied. The bullies did a pretty dumbass move: they filmed it and posted it on Youtube… What did they think, that everyone was going to praise them for their bullying tactics? As a result, The mother of the bullied girl took the video and posted it on Facebook to show the world what happened to her daughter. It showed how the girl, at her very last schoolday, was bullied for 5 minutes where they kicked, mocked and got beaten. As a result of that, people massively responded in disapproval, and the bullies got suspended from school by the direction.

The girl was punched straight in the face. She does not punch back, she remains seated on the ground of the bus stop. “get up”, the bullies tell her while they pull Kayleighs hair. “Not for you”, she says. “Show that you are a man”, they reply. And eventually: “these are memories for later”.

These “memories for later” were posted on Youtube, but they have already been removed. Mother Michele could get the images on time and put them on facebook saying: watch and judge. Kayleigh wants this movie to become public. By doing this she wants to create action against the bullies (and bullying in general). Click “like” or share this video if you want to support her and speak out. Thanks to everyone willing to do this.

In the meanwhile the movie has been watched over 34.000 times.

The parents filed a complaint against the bullies.

http://nieuws.vtm.be/binnenland/201206295526-mama-zet-choquerend-pestfilmpje-online

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Bullying is not something new, it has been going on for ages (and worse). You may have been bullied yourself, or your friend, or maybe you were a bully in high school. It is unacceptable to do this to a human being, no matter what your reasons are.

But the question is: why do people turn out to become bullies? How does an innocent baby become a mean cruel person? It does not just happen by chance.

Bullying can take many forms such as: name-calling, teasing, punching, kicking, intimidation, social exclusion, abuse through text messages or e-mail, on facebook etc… There are a number of factors that can create a child into a bully: family, friends, community and the media.

Family and Self esteem

A child can come from an abusive family, parents who do not give much attention or lack involvement and care for their child. In return, the child may copy the behavior of his/her family. He or she may start to bully others to gain their lost self-esteem back or simply do it in a way to feel better, to release stress or desire to have a feeling of power and control.

Bullies tended to hold a negative view of themselves, suggesting they pick on others to feel better about themselves, and they may especially single out those who have trouble fitting in for other reasons. http://www.livescience.com/11163-bullies-bullying.html

However, there is also other research that indicated that those who bully have average or above average self-esteem. They can build this self-esteem through the support of their fellow support-bullies. This self-esteem thus still comes from others. Without any support, would this self esteem still be so high?

Bullies were more likely than non-bullies to live in families without two biological parents, such as living in single parent families, living with extended family members or with foster parents. Such situations may mean bullies, in some cases, do not receive as much attention at home, the scientists said. http://www.livescience.com/11163-bullies-bullying.html

Friends

Bullies are rarely alone. A lot of them have a pack, consisting of bully-supporters. They are by standers and will applaud the bully, laugh at the bullying. The reason for this can be fear of being bullied yourself, fear of exclusion, desire to belong, or a sadist personality but not daring enough to be the main bully. Bullying is often encouraged through interactions with fellow bullies and those who do not speak up about this abuse. There is this myth about bullies being loners, but this is false. Research shows that those who bully are not socially isolated and have an easy time making friends often. However, students who bully others tend to have difficulties with other relationships as well. This is what researchers from York University and Queens university found out. Their relationships with friends also were marked by a lot of conflict, and they tended to associate with others who bullied.

Environment

The research seems to indicate bullying is about “social attitudes manifesting themselves in a very basic way within the school environment,” said study researcher Ian Rivers of Brunel University in the United Kingdom. “So if the school really upholds sports, kids who are not good at sport are going to be victimized because they are not living up to the expectations of others.”

Although the research was conducted in the U.K., the results likely apply to children in the United States as well, since issues of sporting and sexual orientation are common to both countries, Rivers said.

 

Some of these issues may tie in to societal views as well. Society places a lot of value on possessions and “therefore envy can become a motivator,” Rivers said.

Communities might also be split on the issue of homosexuality, a topic some schools still have not properly address, Rivers said.

http://www.livescience.com/11163-bullies-bullying.html

Bullying connections

Children and youth who frequently bully their peers are more likely than others to

  • Get into frequent fights,
  • Be injured in a fight,
  • Vandalize property,
  • Steal property,
  • Drink alcohol,
  • Smoke,
  • Be truant from school,
  • Drop out of school, and
  • Carry a weapon.

Research also shows that

  • Children who bully are more likely to report that they own guns for risky reasons, such as to gain respect or frighten others.
  • Boys who were identified as bullies in middle school were four times as likely as their non bullying peers to have more  than one criminal conviction by age 24.

Characteristics of the bully

Bullies tend to:

-lack empathy -experienced lots of conflict in their relationships with their parents -view violence in positive ways -have difficulty following rules -are easily frustrated -are impulsive, hot-headed, dominant

Conclusion

It is obvious that there are many factors in play. To stop bullying, we will have to create a worldwide system of self-responsibility and equality. In a world divided, there will always be situation of abuse, lack of proper communication and support, no proper parenting, or stigmatization of outgroups. To end bullying, we require to fundamentally change our society, which means: change the media, change how parenting happens, education etc… We cannot expect the children to lead everyone into a better future, if they do not get the example of what it means to be a responsible caring human being. How many children in this world get raised with bad examples? Are raised to derive happiness from others approval or praise, or the objects and stuff they can obtain? How many children get praised only when they excel in something, when they can beat others, and get punished when they have bad grades or loose in sports? What does our system of competition actually show our children: that winners are good and losers are bad, that you should feel good about beating others, that it means your BETTER. That there are always losers, and always winners, and that it is “normal”. And then on tv we see violence, spite, jealousy and abuse. Children often copy this blindly. Parenting is often left unsupervised. Parents often do not get the support they require. Now everyone can raise their child to their own liking, often not realize the damage they are doing. Therefore all parents should get parenting support, and at least parenting classes. In that way, we could give our children the best chances of becoming the best they can be, learn proper communication, not deriving their happiness from others approval etc… Then those children would grow up, and in time raise up their own children in more effective ways.

Ending current bullying is important not only for the bullied, for also for the bullies themselves. A lack of empathy, and desire for self-gain can cause someone to commit crimes much more easily, and continue their life in a cycle of aggression. He or she may never learn to properly communicate or understand where their bullying behavior or abuse comes from. And the bullied child may get scared during the years he/she was bullied, which will have impact on their self-esteem and further life. Therefore it is each parents responsibility to raise their child in the most effective way possible for it to become a caring human being, as well as dealing with one’s own emotional problems to make sure it is not passed onto the children. Together with this, we must work together to change this system fundamentally, towards one that is actually supportive for all human beings and life on this planet. This is currently not the case. We are setting a bad example, and a rotten tree will never bare beautiful fruit. Let us learn our lesson.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat another being as less than myself, and do unto them what I wuold not want done unto myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my emotions to control me, to a point where I will assert my frustration and desires upon other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the approval of my friends, in order to feel good as a person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire people to be afraid of me, and in this see me as “more” as them, where I have a sense of power over them and the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I actually lack self-confidence and self-acceptance and therefor I go and abuse others, and try and have others approval or liking or have others fear me, in order to lift my self-confidence or feel like I have power over something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand by and do nothing when I see someone get bullied

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is not my responsibility to get involved with other peoples business, even if this means another defenceless person is being abused/bullied. That I justify this because of my own fears of being hurt or bullied in return

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how our system has shaped me to become fearful and just a bystander that does not act

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how our system creates bullies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave of the feelings and emotions that go on inside me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that another person deserves to be bullied

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I bully , it has nothing to do with the other person, but only with myself and who I allow myself to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a bully of bullies, thinking they require to be bullied in return as punishment, but not realizing how this is not solving the situation, and how I am not taking self-responsibility for my own behavior and feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider and investigate why children become bullies in the first place, and what would be an actual solution to this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I was in the shoes of the one I bullied, I would not like it at all

I commit myself to stand for a world where there is adequate parenting and education, without any reward for selfish, egoistical or abusive behavior. So children do not get trained to become bullies. We require a world system that focusses on our equality as part of life, on cooperation and on what is actually best for all.

When and as I notice the desire for approval come up, I stop and breath and realize that anothers approval says nothing, and I investigate where this desire comes from.

When and as I notice the desire to bully another comes from, or to act cool and tough, I stop and breath and do not allow myself to follow this desire. I direct myself to investigate why I have become this way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sources:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080325083300.htm

http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Children_Who_Bully/?page=2

Byrne, B. J. (1994). Bullies and victims in school settings with reference to some Dublin schools. Irish Journal of Psychology, 15, 574-586.

Cairnes, R. B., Cairnes, B. D., Neckerman, H. J., Gest, S. D., & Gariepy, J. L. (1988). Social networks and aggressive behavior: Peer support or peer rejection? Developmental Psychology, 24, 815-823.

Cunningham, P. B., Henggeler, S. W., Limber, S. P., Melton, G. B., and Nation, M. A. (2000). Patterns and correlates of gun ownership among nonmetropolitan and rural middle school students. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 29, 432-442.

Espelage, D., Bosworth, K., & Simon, T. (2000). Examining the social context of bullying behaviors in early adolescence. Journal of Counseling and Development, 78, 326-333.

Limber, S. P. (2002). Addressing youth bullying behaviors. Proceedings from the American Medical Association Educational Forum on Adolescent Health: Youth Bullying. Chicago, IL: American Medical Association.

Nansel, T. R., Overpeck, M. D., Haynie, D. L., Ruan, W. J., & Scheidt, P. C. (2003). Relationships between bullying and violence among US youth. Archives of Pediatric Adolescent Medicine, 157, 348-353.

Nansel, T. R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R. S., Ruan, J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth: Prevalence and Association With Psychosocial Adjustment. Journal of the American Medical Association, 285, 2094-2100.

Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at school: What we know and what we can do. NY: Blackwell.

Olweus, D., Limber, S., & Mihalic, S. (1999). The Bullying Prevention Program: Blueprints for Violence Prevention. Boulder, CO: Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence.

Rigby, K. & Slee, P. T. (1993). Dimensions of interpersonal relations among Australian school children and their implications for psychological well-being. Journal of Social Psychology, 133, 33-42.

Slee, P. T., & Rigby, K. (1993). The relationship of Eysenck’s personality factors and self-esteem to bully-victim behaviour in Australian schoolboys. Personality and Individual Differences, 14, 371-373.

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Posted by on June 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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