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Day 28 – Please Don’t See me

21 Jun
Day 28 – Please Don’t See me

Does it ever happen to you, that you walk on the street and see someone that you  know or knew, and feel like hiding because you don’t want to talk to them? Chances are high that it did.
What is often done, is hiding or pretending you did not see the person.
Sometimes it can be triggered by a negative experience with that other person, a resentment, anger etc… but often times it is simply because of fear. Fear about not knowing what to say, fear of being judged, fear of awkward silences, fear of being seen as a loser etc…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my fear of others to direct me in a way that I will hide, or ignore them, just so that I won’t have to face them – and thus the reactions that I experience towards them in that moment. Not realizing that it is actually not about “them” but about “me” and how I am experiencing myself, the feelings I am running away from, and the feelings that direct me to run away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that I won’t know what to say to another person, and that there might follow an awkward silence- juding this as “not good” and something to feel nervous about, as if it is dangerous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the worry to “have awkward silences” comes from the fear of what another person might think about me, and how they might judge me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow thoughts about others judgements, or others judgements, to have power over me, and direct me and what I do and think. Not realizing that I am continuing this fear based pattern while participating in it constantly, and allowing the thoughts in my mind to tell me what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create “bad case scenario’s” in my mind, making me fear, and making me want to hide or run or ignore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that bad case scenario’s are not something that serves me. And I realize that I can take self-responsibility to stop such thoughts, and instead direct myself with my own self-directive thinking in self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me as a loser, because when I would talk to them, they would ask me about my personal and business life and see me as a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to live up to others expectations of who or what I would be, instead of direct myself to do with my life what is most constructive, putting my effort into it, and making sure that I contribute to a world best for all, not just best for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let others determin my self worth, to base my self confidence and self worth on the judgements that others hold about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my fear push me into hiding from people and stop me from facing myself and pushing beyond my boundaries

I commit myself, to whenever I notice such thoughts and feelings, I do not allow them to direct me. Instead I direct myself, and I face the other person as an equal as me. I talk and stop the rambling thoughts within my mind. When there would be a silence, I do not go into worrying about it, silences are “normal”.
When observing myself, I see that I have plenty of silences with people that I know well, and it feels completely comfortable. Why? Because they are familiar and known, not a danger to be discarded or judged because you know them and they know you. With strangers, they are also people who have these silences around the people they know well (obviously you cant talk 24/7), so they will probably worry about the exact same thing. So there really is no need to feel like that.

I commit myself to, when feeling awkward, to investigate where the feeling comes from, and deal with the thoughts connected to the awkwardness. I also investigate if I may be holding back, because this can be a cause of silences, because I am afraid to be in the moment and speak as me, same as if I would know that person for a very long time.

When and as I notice fear comming up inside me when I see someone I know or knew, I breath and let the thoughts go

I commit myself to change this superficial profit driven system of ego , into a system best for all life, where beings won’t be programmed in a way to judge themselves and each other

Because currently in our world economic system, there is emphasis on judgement. If it is not your eyes, your ass, your hair, your teeth, your vagina then it is your skincolor, your voice, your car, your education, your job etc…  The list goes on. We get bombarded by these judgemental messages since a very young age. It becomes part of “normal”. There is often not proper parenting or proper education to teach children to realize how these things influence them, and teaching parents how to raise their child in the best way possible for the happyness and success of that child. So much is destroyed with bad parenting, often even enforced through educational experiences where they don’t know how to deal with children who are unmotivated or rebelling. It is also no wonder that children get unmotivated in todays society, where all that counts apparantly is making money, living a good life for yourself. We have lost touch with each other and often function as seperate cells, not as one organism. And that is exactly the problem. The whole will never work well, will never be best for all, if we continue to raise our children to only care about themselves.
We are trained to judge and fear each other. Trained to be afraid of others on the street. Trained to derive our worth and self confidence from judgements and status symbols, and trained to judge others based on their status symbols, their job or if they so called “made it in life”. We are trained to judge and be judged. This is happening in non-constructive ways which do not create a society of people that know what they are doing and why, a society where people would care for real about each other. It goes up to a point where we will deliberatly negativly judge another to bring them down so we can feel better  (gossip).
And that has to end, for the good of all.

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Posted by on June 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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