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Day 26 – Jealousy is Love

15 May
Day 26 – Jealousy is Love

I have heard this so many times, over and over again: “I like him/her being a little jealous because that shows he/she loves me!”.

Love is a word, that we have connected to experience certain feelings and desires. There are multiple definitions people have about “love”. We often speak about it without looking into what we are experiencing exactly, and why. We are addicted to the chemicals within the brain that produce certain feelings, which then drives our thoughts and actions, making us do or say things as a responds to those emotions, not within self-direction at all.

People who feel strongly about another, want to “keep them” in order to keep experiencing themselves in that particular way. So in a way, it is selfish. When there is threat of this feeling being removed, by… let’s say another contender, then alarms go off. This is called jealousy. You are afraid that the person may not respond in the same manner as they did before towards you, or that they may even depart from your life, or that they will compare you to the other and judge you to be “less” and thus choose the other over you. It is a fear of loss, specifically, the fear of your own feelings being lost. Loosing the love bug, the nice feeling, the fun, the sex etc…

And then we see this jealousy from our partner, as a sign of their love. Their love thus means their fear of losing their own feelings, the fear that in the future you may not fill in this emotional need. You become a possession to the person, something that is in danger to be lost or stolen.

So why not instead, do we live our life fully without needing another person to fill us up? Why would we want to be more to someone, more than others? Why do we want this person to be closer to ourselves than to other people? Why would we deny this person the freedom to enjoy the company of others?
Of course, if a partner is flirting, this can be a dishonesty as well, of seeking approval at other people, deriving ones self-worth from attention, often based on looks (for example).

In my experience jealousy comes with an crippling feeling, mixed with a lot of fear and hatred, and I have found that in experiencing jealousy I am not able to move, can hardly breathe, and have difficulty communicating – so in that I am crippled. My first reaction to that is trying to level it out, meaning that I have to do/create something that will make me powerful again, and that always implicates others, because I feel a victim to jealousy I will try and turn that around or reverse it and go into fantasies of revenge, even act it out, or put on an act of “I am better than this”, “these feelings are beneath me” etc. Because I fear that what jealousy tells me is true. It is the ultimate sacrifice of Self, giving in to jealousy, and it will make any of us go to extremes. So for me it is surely about manipulation and the consequences of playing that jealousy-game are clear, as Bella wrote:
a Cycle of Abuse and Denial of Life.
and getting rid off jealousy means not participating in it, not accepting it.

i forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed myself to become jealous.
i forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by jealousy.
i forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed myself to become jealous of other guys
i forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed myself to become jealous when a girl/boy im attracted to is fond of another guy/girl.
i forgive myself that ive allowed myself to become someone im not after becoming jealous.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to another.
i forgive myself to accept and allow myself to judge myself.
i forgive myself to accept and allowing myself to feel inferior to another.
i forgive myself for allowing myself to feel superior to another.
i forgive myself that ive allowed myself to feel hate for others based on my own jealousy.
i forgive myself for allowing and accepting jealousy to exist within me.
i forgive myself that ive allowed myself to be enslaved by jealousy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy when my partner talks to another that I think may be a rival,a nd which I think they could fall in love with and then leave me. Because I fear loosing my partner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have trust in my partner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base the relationship with my partner on feelings, instead of a self-honest communicated agreement to support each other as equals in life, no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have created a solid foundation in the relationship with my partner, where we work on our jealousy, and make the relationship work no matter what, where we would not just get out of it, even when we feel something for another. This would not be a valid reason to move out of the relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other girls/boys and then judge myself as more or less than them, based on what I think my partner will like or not like about them, and which I see as attractive features or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with others of my gender, because I desire to be the top, the prettiest, the toughest, the most desired etc…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life into a contest, a race, a game based on emotions and feelings. Not realizing there is no self direction in all of this, and it creates massive suffering worldwide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be noticed and liked, because without this I dont feel good enough, else I would not require to seek for this experience from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for anything less than a true self honest relationship of support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to memories of partners or friends rejecting me and wanting me to be different than who I am. By doing this I hold myself as prisoner to my past, and adjust myself according to what others desires, instead of in self-direction and self-honesty, not based on what others think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live to please others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others to feel good about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the chemicals in my body and the emotions it gives me above what is truly best, where I allow this to control me without me really looking at what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project confidence, love and trust outside of me, seperate from me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe others have to give me “love” and that without them apparently I am not complete

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and live self trust , self love and self confidence as who I am

When and as I notice jealousy within me, I stop and breath and let the thoughts go. I am not dependant on another to be “fulfilled”, and I will look at why I experience this within me.
when and as I notice jealousy within me, I stop the thoughts and talk to my partner about this. I make sure that the relationship I have is based on self-honesty and true support as equals in live, not based on emotions, feelings or desires, but as an agreement that we make work, where we give feedback and support each other to make it work as well as working on ourselves to make it work.

 

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Posted by on May 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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