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Day 21 – I Hate Crowds!

06 May
Day 21 – I Hate Crowds!

For a long period of my life I had strong reactions towards being in large groups of people, crowds.. the mall, a market place. It felt quite overwhelming. Sometimes we would go to the mall and I would get hot flashes, become extremely tired and feel nervous inside my chest.
What was actually fueling this, was not the crowd in itself, but my thoughts within this situation. Thinking about how people would look at me, maybe notice me, keep an eye on me, judge me, thinking how annoying it is. At the same time, my eyes seem to go into overdrive because of the stimuli around me. There is so much happening that at times I got a bit dizzy from it. Because of the thoughts, I would intensify my own symptoms and feel anxious and stressed, and annoyed. I would often say that it is because I am highly sensitive.

So when dealing with this pattern, and stopping these thoughts, I have become calm within such situations. I do not allow the thoughts to come up and I simply breath and be in the moment without pre-occupying my mind about the people around me. The hot flashes disappeared, so did the dizziness. I stop looking at to much in too high intensity and focus simply on remaining here, being here. It is not really that I focus on it anymore, it is more like something that results automatically when you stop to allow these thoughts to control you. You stop racing in your mind, and so do your eyes and the rest. I do get tired still sometimes in busy places, but all the other symptoms have gone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to intensify feelings of stress and anxiety through participating in thoughts that come up when I am around other people or crowds

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I hate crowds because of the feelings I experience when I am among crowds, not realizing that it was fueled through my own participation in my mind, and that I was simply hating it because of the strong reactions I had created towards crowds through allowing my mind to be in control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about how other people may judge me, and then feel anxious because of this, not realizing that their judgment about me does not matter

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to simply stop these thoughts and not follow them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as less than who I am, because I have allowed my mind/thoughts to control me and make me feel sick amongst crowds, not realizing I have the power to direct myself and stop this uncomfortable situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my own thoughts, and find a reason and excuse to why I experience this, such as “high sensitivity”, without realizing that I can actually stop this situation within myself, and not allow myself to be concerned with others judgments or constantly focus on the people around me

When and as I notice my thoughts drift off when I am within a crowd, thinking about how they judge me, or see me etc… I stop and breath and do not allow these thoughts to control me. I let them go and breath, be in the moment and stop fueling these thoughts that cause me to have stronger physical reactions. I do not choose my programmed mind over the health of my physical body.

When and as I notice I get anxious within a crowd, I stop and I breath and focus on move in the moment. I bring myself back here.

When and as I notice I still get tired, I simply continue to move myself and not follow the thoughts, without judging myself for being tired. I direct myself, regardless of being tired or not.

I realize that sometimes a physical experience being part of a crowd, can be “natural” as in that the temperature may rise, and that oxygen levels may decrease. In that situation I simply do what I can to improve it in the moment.

 

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One response to “Day 21 – I Hate Crowds!

  1. Sylvia

    May 6, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Cool Ann I can relate to this, I had the same when I was a in my twenties/thirties and yes simply remaining here without participating within the mind is the only cure.

     

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