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Day 18 – They are Going to Think I’m a Freak!

02 May
Day 18 – They are Going to Think I’m a Freak!

Sometimes people add me on facebook that I know in person as well, for example from school or from my hobbies. Whenever that happens, I have this sort of “scare” within me assuming they will look at my profile and think I am a total freak. It’s not like this fear stops me, because I am open about what I stand for, what I do etc… yet this fear does keep popping up. However, much less than it used to. I used to be much more concerned about “being different”, being seen as strange etc… It is funny that a girl in my class said: “we get along but we are all very different, this person is this, and that one is like this, and you are more “alternative”. Lol. I never really looked at myself as “alternative”. Because when I think about it, I imagine someone dressing like a hippie 😛

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that people who add me on facebook will think I am a freak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people who add me on facebook will think I am a freak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a freak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as “inferior” because I do post things on facebook that most of my every day contacts dont post. And then I compare myself to that, realize my facebook behavior is totally different, and then fear they will judge this as “freakish” or “crazy”, and will judge me for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let others judgements influence the way I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions and judgements about others based on what I imagine they will think, see or do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being rejected

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be accepted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be liked, because I then feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my self worth and feelings on how others react to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my own emotions on how others judge me

When and as I notice the fear coming up, I stop and breath and realize that it does not matter what another thinks about me. If they judge me than that is their judgement. I do not allow to judge others about what they might think about me. I stop the expectations and simply move myself to do what is best for all.

When and as I notice them reacting negativly towards what I do on facebook, I do not allow this to impact me, I let go of the emotions when and if they come up, and if necessary I simply remove the person from my facebook if he/she cannot handle what I share, which are the things that are necessary to be shared: the state of our world, the way we as humans exist, what we do to each other and ourselves etc…. Leaving on a blindfold will help no one, and it only accumulates the suffering we allow as a collective on this planet.

I stand for world equality, and everyone can know this. I wont let my fear stop me.

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Posted by on May 2, 2012 in Mental health

 

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