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Day 10 – Fear and Judgment about “Adulthood”

24 Apr
Day 10 – Fear and Judgment about “Adulthood”

This is something that I have written to stop my reactions towards being an “adult”, leaving school in the future, being part of “the system” etc… Because I have felt rejective towards this because of what I saw people become as soon as they are getting older. I was holding on to a lot of stereotypes, and judgments, and idealization of childhood. As I work with this pattern, I learn to stop this and direct myself. The corrections you will be able to read further down.

When I think about having a job or career I feel a form of dislike, I dont like the adult World , I don’t like the system  , I don’t like what we have created on this planet . I would rather nothave to enter that world ever. I resisted it in my life, this is where partly my dislike of growing up comes from. Hating to be an adult or be seen as an adult, not wanting to play their twisted stupid little games. It makes me a little bit angry as well. Its like your life is over, over so early. You begin to live as a child and then your trained to be the perfect system slave. Also I often saw myself as not competent enough to succeed in anything because of various reasons like; my memory isn’t good enough, I’m to afraid, too shy, I won’t be able to say anything smart etc… I often fell into a thought pattern of wanting to do an easy low job to feel comfortable as well. I never had an idea about what I would do as a job, as if that time would never come. I never had a dream or goal for it, like my life just didn’t reach to that point, as if I would be dead before it would all begin. Hoping that something would happen so the system by then would have changed already and heaven would be on earth, that’s what I often thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system for being the way it is
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  think all adults are obsessed with sex
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume all adults are obsessed with money
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  generalize what “adults” are
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a stereotype on “adults”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adults as dull based on a couple of them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generalize that all adults are dull
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adults for not playing anymore
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of adults judgments when they see I am still playful
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel out of place because I sometimes act “childish”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel out of place based on what I think others are thinking about me – where I already expect the negative judgment within me, feeling out of place because of m own judgments.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being the standard “adult”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think a standard “adult” exists
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generalize all adults as existing in only 1 way
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generalize that adults do not play
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire adults to play
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on how I think other adults will see me and my behavior
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about others peoples judgments about me, because of my insecurity where I base my self confidence on the opinions and reactions of others, using it as a standard for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think as an adult I must show confidence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think as an adult I must show certainty
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not confident because of what I feel inside, when in fact I often do have confidence, to speak up, to stop my reactions, to do what is best, to push through my fears – but I continue in a pattern of self judgment, holding myself hostage to my failures, magnifying those failures as if they determin me completely.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as less than who I can be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about how I project myself to others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist becoming an adult based on the stereotype I hold about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a stereotype within my head. Not consciously, but following it feeling-wise and fueling it with thoughts, even though I know that my stereotype is not accurate. And sometimes it is accurate, if it is a pattern existing in many adults. But I do not require to judge it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judg a common pattern in adults, and base my feelings upon that judgment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my feelings to decide my direction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adults
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adults or the “adult world” as something bad/negative
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the adult world based on the system we created; expecting that it will always be like that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to enter the adult world based on my judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the system determin how I feel
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the idea I have about the system determinwhat I will do or wont do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the idea I have about the system control me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions decide who I am or shouldn’t be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare adults to children
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect I will make a bad impression on people I haven’t met before
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on anothers opinion about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what others will think about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to leave a good impression
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be liked
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous about being disliked
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being afraid of my own thoughts about others having bad thoughts about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adults as having lost their freedom
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to please others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of new places
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of things I don’t know
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a safe environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe in a place that I am used to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow these feelings to control me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow these thoughts to get me into a negative and fearfull mood
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the system power over me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the system power by thinking about it and becoming overwhelmed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself get overwhelmed with thoughts
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect the system to crush me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea about “being crushed” as being rejected or humiliated
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of others rejection
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel crushed when others reject me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow another thought and opinion to determin who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in comparison to business men
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect I have to become like those business men
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to people in the system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to people who are confident
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what others will think about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect ill never be fully confident
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume others don’t find me confident
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect ill be afraid
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect ill be shy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through my own expectations of myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect I wont stand a chance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect “making a chance” to being able to reason business people out of their selfish role
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to convince them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume everything depends on them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think they will always have the last say in things
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe they are the majority, but actually they are not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire “being free” as in – being a kid playing in the fields
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link freedom to playing in the field as a kid
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link freedom to being a kid
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as a kid I was already unfree
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as a kid I was already programmed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link freedom to not having responsebilities

Self correction

I realize it is ok to have fun, build camps, play, even as an adult. When other adults make judgments about that, it is their problem.
When and as I see myself reacting towards others judgement – I stop, I breath – I let go of the reactions and direct myself to what is best for all in that situation. Sometimes, it may require to act more like “serious” adults, in order to bring about what is best for all and work the system. It will depend on the situation and I trust my own judgment in those circumstances to do what is best at that time and moment. And when I make a mistake, I correct it or ask for assistance.
When and as I see these thoughts come up, I stop and breath. I let the thoughts go and in no way try to reason with them because it only goes in circles and often compounds the emotions of anxiety. I am the self-directive principle of myself.
I realize Business men are not better, they are not superior, they are not the majority that will always control everything. They are like everyone else, programmed in their own way.
When and as I see myself having judgments about being an adult – I stop, I breathe. I stop judging myself as adult or not. It doesn’t mean I have to become like the people I see as a prototype of “adult”. I direct myself no matter what body. I stop judging the physical based on its age.
Within this I realize that I am the directive force and will not be directed by and energy such as annoyance.
when and as I see myself putting standards on myself I stop I breathe and stop putting all kinds of standards on myself on how I should be and according to that feel bad or good. I direct myself without comparing myself and placing expectations and thoughts within the future.
I can direct myself in every moment, to let go of my limitations and “strengthen” myself, without having to have all these crazy thoughts.
When and as I see myself think about the thoughts others have about me, I let go of the thoughts about others thoughts. I don’t follow them. It Is not important what another thinks about me and I don’t want to limit myself according to others expectations. This already has improved a lot. And I continue to do this and apply myself.

When and as I see myself putting standards on others, I stop and breathe, and do not allow myself to judge others. I do not allow assumptions towards others within me. I stop judging people as confident based on persona’s.

When and as I notice myself judging people based on their age, I stop and breath and let go of the judgements. I direct myself in self honesty in the moment.

When and as I notice I place standards on people, I breath and stop, and stop these standards, even when I think they are a better form of standard. I simply assess the situation in its entirety, and do whats best for all in that moment, as what I realize. If I notice that something was not best for all, afterwards, I correct myself.
I do realize the adult world currently is pretty screwed up, so is the children’s world and everyone’s world because we have 1 world we all create together. And I direct myself to sort it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adults as not having a life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge business people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge business
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe all business people are the same
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see business people as inferior to people who care
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think business people don’t care
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people based on the way they are programmed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am programmed in my own ways
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being programmed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow others to repel me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be repelled
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to let my negative feelings direct me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe your life is over when you’re an adults
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going into a business
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will have to deal with business people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being discarded
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being an old person and being discarded because of it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as inferior
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel intimidated with business people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge business people as superior to me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge business people as superior to me based on their confidence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger to seeing certain business procedures
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reacting angry because I dislike business manipulation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my feelings to control me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge old people as people that have their life drained from them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge old people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think old people are all the same
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stereotype old people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my culture to influence my judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect “youth” to something good
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect “youth” to a oyoung appearance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge youth as better than old
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a young appearance betternthan an old appearance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect “having a life” to age
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think your life is over when you’re an adult
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike getting old
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge old people as less
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge old people as less because society treats them as less
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being treated as less
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on how others see me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others judgements about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that society has programmed an attitude within me that old = bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the judgement of society and culture about old age
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the media to control my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to conform to the medias image
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that age is different from culture to culture, and is shaped in my mind through my own culture
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be young forever
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of loosing youth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the younger the better
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge wrinkles
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge appearance of older people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to look like an older person
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the beauty industry to control my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the commercials to control my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place judgements on my physical body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place judgements on others physical body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the programs in my mind to direct me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think old people are waiting for their death
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself according to the age I am

Self correction

When and as I see myself going into thoughts and judgements about age – I stop, I breath, I realise that there is no need for me to participate within this pattern. Thus I do not participate.

I realize this is programmed within me through my culture in the media. That old = bad and you have to fight it, and reject it as long as possible. And that young = good. Because in some cultures old people are considered as very wise and kind of worshipped. In our society they are often discarded to retirement homes or seen as inferior to the younger ones. I realise that there is no need for me to participate within this pattern. Thus I stop, and breathe and do not participate.

Business people are people like me, and anyone else, programmed in their own way. They vary, and have different personalities and are not all the same. They don’t all mock people, or all are cruel. This is a stereotype I do not want to support. When and as I see myself participating within this pattern of Self, of stereotyping others, I stop and breath.

When and as  I see myself having judgments about my human body, I stop, I breath. I do not participate in  judging my human body and that of others,and the aging process. . It is only “bad” because we make it that way, and judge it extremely. I do not want to live like that and be a person that blindly accepts it. Thus I direct myself to not let these judgments direct what I think or speak or do.

I don’t allow myself to be a puppet of this brainwashing, and to judge myself according to the current view on age. I stop allowing myself to internalize those judgments and then start judging myself when and as I notice this coming up.

Together with that make sure that we can establish a world that does not create these thought patterns of better/worse, inferior/superior in society and the minds of everyone for the sake of profit.
I want to take responsibility for our creation and not blame and judge it. So when and as I notice the blame and judgement, I stop and breath, and direct myself to do what is best for all and in that situation.

When and as I see myself having judgements aboçut the way people look, I stop and I breath. Not judging people on the way they look when and as this comes up, wether they are young or old. Generalizations are inaccurate and harmful towards what is best for all, thus I simply stop participating in them. I realise that there is no need for me to participate within this pattern. Thus I stop, and breathe and do not participate.

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