RSS

Day 5 – Moments of silence with strangers

19 Apr
Day 5 – Moments of silence with strangers

Sometimes when we are around people we do not know, especially when we are together with them in a meeting, or a group, talking etc… (engaging with each other), we start to feel uncomfortable when there are silences. We do not experience this around people we are fully comfortable with, people we know. We experience it around people we do not feel totally comfortable with, people who are just acquaintances or strangers.

The annoying feelings comes up that we have to fill in the silences. We start to judge ourselves, and imagine about what the other(s) may be thinking about this situation or us.

I have experienced this many times during my life – where I am together with another person, and suddenly there is nothing more to be said. I don’t know how to behave, and desperately try to find a subject to talk about. Like it is not ok to just be silent, like I have to find something, to remove the uncomfortability from within myself. I imagine about what the other person is thinking about me. Do they think I am shy? Insecure? Do they dislike me? Are they thinking that I am not an easy person to be around? Are they thinking that this situation is not cool? etc…
But when I am around family for example, and it is silent, my mind is silent. I don’t get those thoughts. Why? Because we know each other very well, and everything has become “normal”.

So within this situation is a lot of self-judgment as well as imaginative thoughts about judgments that might come from the other person(s). It is social anxiety that plays up. Most likely when you experience this, the social anxiety will also pop up in other areas of your life.

People who keep on talking, can often show this insecurity within themselves, because they desperately try to mask it and have a constant flow of communication to feel at ease.

I have actually googled this experience, and found out a lot of people suffer from this. Also when I have spoken about it to others, I often heard “Me too!!”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable around strangers and people I do not know very well – because of the thoughts going on within me mind about what they may think about me, especially if they may think “negative” things about me such as that I am shy, boring etc…

When and as I notice this uncomfortability, I breath and let go of the thoughts that spark up in my mind, and express myself in the moment. Not holding back when I want to say something, and not just speaking because I feel uncomfortable. Because else I would simply be speaking to stop the emotions within me, which will be a pattern I would carry on for the rest of my life, because I would never deal with what is behind the uncomfortability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and imagine what other people are thinking about me, and base my self-experience on that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through the eyes of others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume what others might be thinking about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always think people are thinking bad about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and have people thinking positive about me by changing my behavior and words
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to be entertaining
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to be intresting to others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself a sinsecure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect I will be insecure around strangers
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about how I will react in insecurity, where I already create the situation I fear within my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act because of fear and reactions of insecurty, instead of directing myself as whats best in the moment, in self expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to say something when there is a silence during a conversation, because I start to imagine what the other person might think about me, and I want to avoid the negative judgements at all times.

When I notice these thoughts come up, I stop and breath, and let them go. I stop trying to seek others approval of me, or try and get others to see me in a positive way. I stop trying to imagine what bad things others could think about me, and take self-responsebility for the insecurty within me that sparks up those thoughts in the first place.
Others do not define me, and as long as we depend on the judgements of others to experience ourselves in a particular way, we are like a tossing ball, unstable, and fluctuating according to with who we are with or what they think about us. Which is not best for self nor best for all. I will not adjust myself to have people like me, because this is dishonest, a constant seek for validation, a result of insecurity. And if I accept this pattern, I would give it power and carry it along into my further life, manifesting it even more within my experience, and always needing others for validation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally express myself in self-honesty, no matter with who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can’t fill in silences because it is not good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the opposit of an extreme, thinking that it is the way to “cure” it.

When and as I notice this, I breath and direct myself in that moment, stopping the thoughts and expressing myself. When I make a so called “mistake”, by reacting, I learn from it and use it as an opportunity to correct myself.
When and as I notice that I feel uncomfortable being silent together with another person, I stop and breath. I am here, and do not require to follow the thoughts springing up inside me, or allow the emotion to take power over my self-direction.

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 19, 2012 in Mental health

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: