RSS

Day 4 – Fear of Rejection and Group Pressure

18 Apr
Day 4 – Fear of Rejection and Group Pressure

I have experienced group pressure several times in my life, where I fear expressing myself/saying something/doing something, because I would imagine the rejection from others. These thoughts were based on past memories where others had rejected me, which I then carried along within my mind. Even when I would have MORE experiences of NOT being rejected, those few experience of being rejected would dominate my perception. Because it is more “drastic” within our experience/mind. It has bigger consequences than if everything would just run smoothly. So that is why things which have a big impact on us, “stick” the most.

This patterns comes up when I fear being rejected by a group that I value, then group pressure is felt. It did not come up for example, when friends asked me to smoke or to drink and I say no. I do not experience it as pressure and do not fear thei rejection because it are decisions I stand firmly with, with reasons. And also because often denying their requests to smoke and drink along, does not result in being rejected. But when I stand for something and I am certain within myself, I do not let worries or fears of others control me, and I “stand my ground”.
Other times when the fear of rejection comes up, is when others say something that I see is not true. For example they say something about me, and I do not see it, and I try to see it but I can’t find it. And then I feel as if I should say I see it, simply to not be rejected. However, I do not do that, but I admit that I have this urge within me. So at some times I ignored them, because I knew, no matter what I would say, they wouldn’t hear it anyway. And some times I spoke up, and got rejected. And other times I spoke up, and nothing happened and we simply communicated about it, but there was no rejection involved.
But the most annoying thing is that nagging feeling in my chest when such a situation comes up, and I fear to be “dissobedient”, because I don’t agree. And those are situations that I have to be careful about, to not limit myself because of others or multiple others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up when I disagree with certain others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be “disobedient”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by a group or people that I value
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others rejecting me and they not seeing that their judgement was wrong
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others opinions about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own thoughts about what others may reply to me, or how they could reject me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine how and if certain people would reject me if I say this or that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine situations of rejection
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself because of the fear of rejection
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a situation where a group of people has a wrong assumption about me, and keeps holding on to it and there is nothing I can do about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a powerless situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being with people who jump to conclusions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes put others in a position where I do not listen to what they are saying
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn because I feel annoyed.

When and as I notice the fear of rejection comming up, I stop and breath and speak up. I do not allow thoughts of rejection to control me. if something is unclear, I will ask. If I do not understand something, I say so. And if others reject me for it, it is their problem.

When a situation comes up where I feel “powerless”, I stop focussing on the others, and focus on myself. I will do what I can in that situation, speak about what I experience with the others, to see if we can both learn from it.

I do not allow myself to jump to conclusions about other people, or carry my past with me into my future. Because in that way, I keep reacting to the same patterns of the past, without ever letting them go. I can stop and breath, and direct myself.

When and as I notice reactions come up towards others, I stop and breath, because I do not want to react towards others, it is not a stable form of communication, and its simply living out ones own reactions, acting them out towards others  – which is not best for all.

This reminds me of situations sometimes in my everyday life, where I get frustrated or annoyed with someone, and I have resistance to saying something to them, or agreeing with them, or simply saying “yes” to them, because of an argument we had moments before and because of the emotions within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions control me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn towards another because of emotions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions stop me from communicating properly with another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions stop me from being open towards another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions determin my relationship with another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance towards people when I feel annoyed or frustrated
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated when I see another being frustrated
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed when I see another being annoyed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards another persons experience
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I react towards anothers experience, in this case, I am reacting to something that I have within myself and see reflected in the other.

When and as I ntoice myself becomming frustrated or annoyed, I stop and breath. I do not allow myself to react in emotions towards another. I will instead, direct my words, and not let my emotions direct my words. Because when emotions direct words, they can’t be trusted. When emotions are in charge, situations are in charge, and then I am not in charge of my own words.

When and as I notice stubborness come up, I stop and breath, and make sure that I do not react in stubborness towards another.

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 18, 2012 in Mental health

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: