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Day 3 – I’m afraid of you!

17 Apr
Day 3 – I’m afraid of you!

For a great deal of my life, I have been afraid of people, especially strangers. I would be nervous to take the bus, to talk or be alone with strangers, to call someone on the phone, to speak in front of others… Why? Because I feared their judgment and rejection, which  I found out was really my own. My thoughts about what others COULD say or judge about me, that they probably would think bad about me etc… Of course, these fears start somewhere, during your life you have events that can trigger you to become shy and fearful, such as being mocked, bullied and laughed at and judged. If you as a child, are not raised into a world that does what is best for all, most likely  you will be confronted with this depending on where you life and who you meet. And most likely, a lot of those will not get taught the common sense way to deal with this, the self honesty and how to take responsibility for ourselves, even in such situations.

Because of course it is not ok for other to judge and mock and bully you, if this happens someone should be notified. But realize, that you can stand up within yourself to not allow this to create and determine who you are. By taking responsibility of our own thoughts, feelings and emotions, our fears and desires, we can stop the reactions we have when these things happen, and direct ourselves instead of allowing certain complexes (like inferiority) to take us over and direct our lives.

So for  a great deal of my life, I had these fears , and slowly but surely I have learned to deal with them and push through it. Sometimes I still worry about what people think about me, if they dislike me etc.. but then I correct myself in that moment. Stopping those thoughts, and forgiving yourself, enables you to let it go and give yourself a fresh start. When you realize that those thoughts are not “you”, they are programmed into your brain. You do not NEED to accept them, you do not require to follow them and give them power. You, can become your own power. It is step by step, and it has taken me time to get more comfortable around people, and I still have nervousness come up sometimes. But slowly but surely we walk the journey to life, where eventually, we will not ever have to fear each other again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize others judgments and make them my own
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start judging myself based on the judgements I received in my past
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself ever before others judge me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my own judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow anothers judgments or opinion to hurt me or have an influence over me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for feeling reactions to anothers judgments or opinion
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about another’s opinion about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to   allow assumptions to control me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to   let expectations determin my experience in the moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what people think about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine people thinking bad about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the negative judgements people could have about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my imagination about others judgements controle me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my imagination about what others could judge about me
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to stop the negative imagination in the moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being afraid of strangers
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself failing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see “failure” as not being what others expect of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see “failure” as not knowing what to say
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see “failure” as being shy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in totality as a failure, when I do not live up to my expectations of what I think others expect me to be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine what others would be thinking about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow those thoughts to direct me
When and as I notice these self-judgements come up, I stop and breath and let them go – I can direct myself in that moment without allowing those judgements to direct me. I stop following them, every time they pop up, I do not make them part of myself.

When and as I notice that I think about others opinion about me, I stop and breath and realize this is triggered by ingained experiences from my past, and do not allow myself to continue them – but express myself in self honesty in the moment, and stop the thoughts and do not follow them.

When and as I notice I start to judge myself as a failure because I did something I saw as “negative” or what I think others will dislike, I stop and breath and let go of this judgement. I realize this is simply a play out of accumulation of events from the past within me, and it does not serve me to follow it. If others judge me like that, it is their problem, their judgements, for them to take responsibility for. And mine are my own to take self responsibility for.

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Posted by on April 17, 2012 in Mental health

 

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