RSS

Day 2 – Hiding in our dreams

16 Apr
Day 2 – Hiding in our dreams

A pattern most of us experience, not only during the nighttime, but also when we are fully awake. We dream, we fantasize, we imagine, hope and wait… And “wait” is the key word here. We have dreams, speak about our dreams, but when do we actually really work towards them? When do we actually put the effort into realizing them?

I am specifically referring to our dreams about a better future, for ourselves, our children and every other living being. We speak about how we would like it to be, and how much we want it, how much things right now suck and have to change… but at the same time, we just continue. We take no self-responsibility and go on with our lives – hoping and dreaming that one day, it will all be better. That one day, without us doing anything, it will be fixed. We hide in our dreams, hide from responsibility while lying to ourselves – lying about that we cant change anything, that we are inferior, not strong enough, that what we do doesn’t matter . While in FACT, it does matter. Without us supporting our current state, it wouldn’t exist. Without people knowing things can change, things wouldn’t have changed as they always did. But things have changed keeping the status quo intact, never towards a world best for all.
Because we can talk all we want, if we don’t live the change, starting with ourselves, things won’t change. That is why I became depressed years ago. Because I complained about the world, felt fucked about everything that happened, talked about it, looked at it… but didn”t do anything to stop it – not within myself or outside myself. It was self-loathing that actually triggered the depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue and follow the thoughts that come up within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the thoughts as “who I am”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I am inferior
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I am to small
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I cannot change anything, because this is what my thoughts tell me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my thoughts direct me, instead of me directing myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I am worthless, useless, not good enough, not strong enough, to create a change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that things will change outside of me, so that I would never have to put any effort in it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that for things to change, I also have to change within me what I do not wan tto see outside of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the patterns that play out within myself, also play out on a larger scale within this world system
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can in fact direct myself, and stop the thoughts that are programmed into me from directing me and having me believe that I am inferior to change anything.
I forgive myself that I havnte accepted and allowed myself to correct my mistakes, get up when I fall and push myself to not give up
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to realize that I, as well as any other individual in this world, create/accept and allow this system as it currently is today – and that it is also my responsibility to take responsibility for it and myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within dreams and fantasy about a better future
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within dreams and fantasy about a better future without actually doing anything about it, or changing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the system to change first
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the system to change and that I would not have to enter it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am separate from the system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the system is already in all aspects of our lives, we live in it, buy in it, sell in it etc…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect the world to change before I would have a job
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rejection towards our current system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be pushed by my reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cant make a change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the world to change because I feel not good enough to really do anything
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the world to change because I think I will be judged bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will not do good at any job I do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will be judged at my job
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe everyone will fire me anyway
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe iw ont live up to anyones expectations
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to live up to others expectations
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in an inferior role
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine my own failure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my own failure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally let go of my thoughts of failure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to do my best without thinking about failure

I realize that I am as much able as anyone in this world, to direct myself and be the change I want to see. That I can take self-responsibility, that I can stop my patterns, that I can forgive myself and let go of the things that harm me or others.

when and as I see myself wanting to change the system before I have to go “into the system –  I stop and breathe and I see what is necessary to be done to change this system and I will direct myself towards that. I express myself, write, vlog, talk and reach people about the equal money system, and stand in the system to change it

when and as I see myself desiring for the system to change first, before I have to participate in it I stop and breathe and I do what is nessasry to be done to bring about a new world that is best for all life

When and as I see myself having thoughts about how I could and will fail, I stop them, and simply direct myself to my best ability, and when and as others don’t like it or find it good enough it is their problem. I can only do what I can, and when I make a mistake or can improve something, then I will work on doing so.
And when and as I see such thoughts coming up, or thoughts about comparison, I stop it and breath and not follow it.

Advertisements
 
2 Comments

Posted by on April 16, 2012 in Mental health

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “Day 2 – Hiding in our dreams

  1. martijndegraaf1001

    April 16, 2012 at 7:57 am

    cool girl, thanks

     
  2. Elin Liss

    April 16, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Thanks Ann! I saw this patern yesterday, how I have been living in a dream about what my process will lead to in the future instead of stading up in every moment and dont accpet “just a liiilte bit” fuckness. Take practical decitions and dont use daydreaming as an ascape, as a way to hide from everything that is here just because the thoughts are sooo cosy and comforting.

     

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: